One of the most valuable lessons I ever learned came from a woman who placed an ad in the Boston Globe.  Peg was looking for someone to run an after school program for low- income youth in a Sommerville, Massachusetts and I was looking for a job.

We were an unlikely pair.  Peg had many children and lots of grandchildren and I was just barely pregnant with my first.  Peg had oodles of life and professional experience and was and probably still is, the calmest and most even- tempered individual I have ever met. I was fresh out of teachers college, quite active in a hyper kind of way and had little experience working with an ethnically diverse and economically challenged community that characterized the population Peg needed someone to work with.  She took a chance, hired me and I’m all the richer for having had the opportunity to work for her and with her.  She was the very best boss I could have ever hoped to have.

I don’t recall the circumstance entirely, but one particular workday something went wrong with something (memory for details isn’t my long suit) and Peg asked to see me in her office.  Regardless of the hard facts, I do remember the issue involved some sort of mess up with the program I administered.  What is crystal clear in my memory is that while Peg was not accusatory at all and was not blaming me for the mistake, for whatever reason I became very defensive and wanted to abdicate responsibility for the faux pas to some poor soul when responsibility lay squarely on my lap.

When I was finally done wiggling and deflecting blame, Peg blessed me with wisdom that I have carried with me to this day.  In her calm soothing voice with a hint of rich Bostonian accent, she told me that she believed it best to simply accept responsibility for a blunder and not travel down the road filled with excuses, defensive maneuvers or finger pointing in someone else’s direction.   The moment you take responsibility, she explained, there is nowhere else to go for those who accuse or question you, no ensuing debate, no accusatory dialogue, no wasted energy and most importantly even if your action has been less than acceptable, you are viewed far more favorably than if you adopt the  “it’s not my fault, I didn’t mean to, he made me do it” defense strategy.

Peg’s message has always been tucked in one of my back pockets.  My kids have heard the take responsibility recording come out of my mouth since they began to initiate spats big and small with their siblings and despite all of my life experiences both good and not so good, the take responsibility mantra supercedes most other pieces of advice that have been sent my way.

I tend to think quite a bit about the notion of taking responsibility since I’ve been in Israel and not just in the sense of taking ownership for your actions but also in terms of one’s actual obligation for taking action.  I sincerely view being able to live in Israel a privilege, but as Jew and a Zionist, I also tend to believe that it melds into a responsibility as well.  Most certainly not every Jew living outside of Israel is destined to live here nor would it be practical or particularly good for every Jew to live here, but the country is definitely in need of those that do believe that they have a particular part to play in ensuring the perpetuity and strength of the country.  If everyone simply tossed the hat to the next guy living the line “I just love to visit but I don’t want to settle here”, then the country would perhaps face even greater challenges than it does today. Those that come to live here do so for various reasons, yet, that being said, many do come because they believe that it is a responsibility not to be left for someone else to fulfill.

It seems that everywhere you look these days someone is trying to shirk responsibility.  Globally there seems to be a trend toward “ its not my job, it’s not my fault, he’s to blame” mentality.  The world tends to expend a lot of energy and resources figuring ways out of things rather than into things or improving things.  Israel is in no way immune to this growing phenomenon and the inability of the peace process in very simplistic terms to make progress could be pinned on the fact that neither side is able to take the responsibility necessary for moving it forward.  There is certainly much to be lost when responsibility is not to be taken.

On the other hand, however, responsibility is something that is given to young Israelis at a time when most other youth are reveling in their lack of accountability.  Just out of high school at the age of 18, they take on the daunting task of defending the welfare of their Country and its citizens most often out of desire rather than strictly out of obligation alone.  Israeli youth learn quickly through their service that their responsibility to serve is second in importance only to their responsibility to protect themselves, their fellow soldiers and the security of the country they are charged with defending.  Seeing young men and women in uniform reminds me on a daily basis of how much responsibility they are forced to assume and gives me that sometimes necessary kick in the behind to take ownership of my own bundle of things that I need to be held accountable for.

I think learning to take responsibility is one of the most difficult personal objectives to achieve.  I can find a reason or excuse for just about everything.  When I’m in a bad mood I blame it on my intake of sugar. When I forget to do something important I blame it on my age.  When I’m late for a meeting I blame it on the traffic. When I don’t get done what I need to I blame it on lack of time. When I don’t like a particular personal trait, I blame it on genetics and when I’m hard pressed to find an outlet for the blame, well I’ll blame it on my husband! 

In days gone by these would all auger well for me, but somehow they don’t quite wash any longer. Peg’s lesson from years ago is now reinforced by my choosing to live in a place, a place where you have little choice but to take…responsibility.