Dear Readers,
The following essay is the second in a four-part exploration into a pre-High Holidays relationship with G-d, so that we are not surprised when September comes and someone says ‘wow…is it that time of year again for the Jewish New Year?’…as if the High Holidays never come around in the same (roughly) time period every year!
As I suggested before the first essay, I encourage you to wait until the end of the series to make any sense of all of it…and enjoy!
*Part II - Intimacy*
In the first part of this series, I spoke about the need to prepare well in advance of the Jewish New Year for the Jewish New Year. This second part explores seven (7) levels of intimacy that one should aspire to in a relationship – with yourself, with others and, hopefully, with G-d. The first step is to understand what an intimate relationship is, and then the seven steps that constitute such a relationship.
Before we get into the 7 levels of intimacy, let's explore what intimacy is. What is this mysterious thing we call intimacy? It's defined as a "personal" or "private" relationship with detailed knowledge of each other resulting from a close or long association. Intimate relationships are thought of as being with your family, significant other, or close friends.
We know that we need these types of relationships to thrive and meet our basic needs. We know that it's the one thing that a person cannot be truly whole and fulfilled without. We can survive without it, but we won't be happy because the human condition requires more. We yearn for something deeper, more meaningful and bigger than ourselves. Intimacy begins with the self, but it reveals itself most in our relationship with others and G-d. We see the world as individuals, but we experience the world through our relationships. Intimacy is so much more than sharing secrets and baring your soul because it requires a faith and trust in ourselves, others and G-d. Real intimacy is where we experience deep unconditional love. It is the sacred birthplace of our relationship with G-d. When you experience true intimacy, you feel it in your soul. This is the essence of true spirituality because it transcends any physical or mental connection and exists on a higher plane of awareness.
Intimacy is self revelation. It's about revealing yourself, every day, in a thousand ways. In it's purest form, it is the complete and unrestrained sharing of yourself. Everything we do and say, and what we don't say, reveals something of our nature. Life is a self revelation. Relationships are also a process of revealing our true self. Often, we spend a lot of time and energy hiding who we really are. This is where we can encounter the great paradox that surrounds our struggle for intimacy. It is the process of revealing yourself and it inspires us to be truly honest with ourselves and G-d, and give ourselves completely to G-d in this mystery we call love. Real intimacy requires us to be authentic and real, and to become self aware. Until we know ourselves, we aren't even aware of what we are revealing to others. Not all relationships are worthy of such intimacy, but our relationship with G-d must be elevated to the highest form, because after all, G-d knows us completely (G-d did create us, after all!)
So, why are we so afraid to show ourselves? In relationships with others, we are afraid to be truly vulnerable. We are afraid that if people really knew us, they might not love us. It is the deepest of all human fears. In our society, we all yearn for acceptance, approval, and credibility with others. Because of this, many people put up fronts and pretense, hoping to impress others with status, looks or wealth. But aren't we really just pushing people away from our authentic self? Do we really think that these material and superficial things bring us closer to others? Of course they don't. In our relationship with G-d, do we think these things will impress him? Of course not! G-d is not impressed by any of that. What G-d does want is an intimate relationship with you, the real you.
So, this brings up another important question..Why is it important to have intimacy with G-d? What is the meaning of our lives? Our essential purpose is to become the best version of ourselves. Only then can we as good as possible to others, and have a truly meaningful relationship with G-d. Our essential purpose is the foundation which we build a life filled with passion and purpose. Everyone in your life should be supporting you becoming the best version of yourself. We can make critical decisions about most anything with one simple question...Is this person/job/decision moving me towards becoming the best version of myself, or not? We should embrace or reject everything according to how it affects our essential purpose. Life is about choices, and they count. In a world of clutter and confusion, understanding our essential purpose brings a startling clarity to the moments of our everyday lives. Everything makes sense in relation to this purpose, especially your relationship with G-d. The purpose of all of our relationships is to help each other and be helped toward your essential purpose. If you really love someone you want nothing less than to see that person become all that he or she is capable of being, and you are willing to do anything to help that person achieve his or her essential purpose.
So, what is this life really about anyway? Why is it so important to have an essential purpose? What is important to you? How are you spending your one short life? What do you have passion for? We are all so busy these days running around checking things off the "to do" list, and sometimes we forget about what is really important. Love is the pinnacle of the human experience. Love for each other, love for ourselves, and love for G-d. The giving and receiving of love is the highest calling of the human person. We should busy ourselves with this endeavor. Life is not about all the material things you have or want, the money you make or the car you drive, it's about love. It's about whom you love and whom you hurt. It's about being challenged and growing to fulfill our potential, and in that process helping others too.
*Note: The next part of this series will be about the seven (7) steps towards intimacy – intimacy at all levels with other people and, at all levels possible, with G-d. Stay tuned…*
*For tickets to Congregation Shir Tikvah's friendly, inclusive, conservative, egalitarian High Holiday Services please email [email protected] or phone Sharon Bronstone at 338-5064. All services take place at the Viscount Gort Hotel.*
With thanks,
*Dr. Adam Bronstone*
Consultant, Community Engagement
Jewish Federation of Jacksonville
8505 San Jose Blvd, Jacksonville, FL 32217
904.448.5000 ext. 208 |
[email protected] <[email protected]
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